Last December I attended a retreat. During it we were asked to make dream boards. This is something I had done in the past, but it had been long ago. While I was cutting out pictures and pasting them to my board, it seemed like a routine exercise. Yes, I’d like this….yes, I want more of that. I had created these before. While it was fun, it just seemed like daydreaming. It seemed like those days from childhood laying in the grass with a friend, looking at the clouds and imagining all that could be….even if it were likely not to happen.
However, something was very different about this dream board. When it was my turn to share with the other retreat attendees, it was as if my very soul was being poured out. All of the emotions from years…..the sorrow at having my son and husband diagnosed with a potentially life threatening disorder, the stress from having a baby then a toddler, the feelings of failure I’ve felt over my own shortcomings as a wife, mother, Christian, and person, the financial burden of medical appointments, tests, and surgeries and on the flip side …. the joy of having another child I thought was an impossibility, the opportunity for 2nd and 3rd and 4th chances, the peace of knowing I’m forgiven by those that love me when I fall short, the overwhelming love of friends and family I experience, the happiness of knowing I am provided more blessings than I can count. It was quite the experience. I have taped that dream board to my mirror so I look at it everyday. I reflect on the fact that these dreams are far beyond me. I truly believe many of them were planted in my heart by God, himself. As a result, I believe those inspired by God will come true even when I don’t know how it could ever be possible.
You see, this is the story of how my youngest son came to be. He was never thought possible yet in my heart I wanted him more than I wanted air to breathe. It was an aching without him. Now I know why ….. because it was God’s desire for him to be a part of our family. That’s how many of these unfulfilled dreams feel to me right now….like an aching in my heart. That is how I discern they are from Christ and not me.
In fact, that is how this blog and resolution came to be. I pasted a photo of a mirror with various moustache stickers. This represented the fun I was needing in my life. The idea of something new every day was born. (The mustache picture is on the left edge.)
Today another of the dreams was accomplished. This is my first. I have desired to raise money for the Loeys-Dietz Syndrome Foundation (LDSF). (You can find their website here: http://www.loeysdietz.org) This group has offered supportive and information that has been priceless to our family. The group funds research to help find information and treatments for LDS. However, our family has struggled balancing all of our various obligations and activities with planning a fundraiser for the LDSF. We want to do something that will make a big impact, but the idea has been overwhelming.
Then it hit me. I could use my side job of selling jewelry to benefit this awesome organization. Tonight was my first event. Thus far, I’ve raised $62 for the LDSF. I will continue to add to that total throughout the month of February. I have a personal goal of raising $250 for the foundation. It may not be much, but every bit helps. Goal of raising money for the LDSF: begun.
What else was on my dream board? new home where we have space and can entertain, to be able to pay for my kids’ college education and to pay off my student loans, a new car (by new, I mean new to me), to be kinder to myself, LDSF fundraiser, to pay for my dog to have surgery to repair her torn ACL, enjoy life more and have fun, and to be able to send my husband and son to see a home game of their favorite team: The Dallas Cowboys. I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m believing it and claiming it. Matthew 17:20.